Cortex's Christmas Party
by Channeling Wisdom
Summary: Cortex has a party with all of his friends- but it ends up as a disaster!
1. Default Chapter

Cortex laughed evilly as he saw N. Tropy trudging through the snow, holding a foil-wrapped package. The clocks on his back were jammed with snow, and he kept twitching as he tried to get it out. Cortex rushed to the front door, and let in his shivering friend. 

"Merry Christmas, Cortex!" N. Tropy smiled as he took off his galoshes on the rug. Cortex eyed his clocks warily, and they began to smoke a bit. 

"Hem. Yes. Merry Christmas, peace on Earth, and good will towards miserable bandicoots!"

"Now that's more like it! Am I the first one here? Oh, this is exciting!" Tropy thrust the foil-wrapped package into Cortex's hands. Cortex showed him in, and unwrapped the package.

"Fruitcake! Oh, you shouldn't have!" Cortex gave an involuntary shiver as he remembered fruitcake from the year before.

"Yes, it's from last year! Leftovers are wonderful, no, Cortex?"

Cortex dropped the fruitcake like a hot potato at the words 'last year' but hastily picked it up again, and set it on the table. The doorbell rang, and Cortex gave a yelp.

He opened the door to Dingodile, who also held a foil-wrapped package. 

"G'day mate! Dingodile's here! I knew ya couldn't stand t' be wi'out me, so I came t' your lit'o pa'ty."

Cortex nodded, not understanding what the half dingo, half crocodile was trying to say. He took the package as Dingodile added his boots to Tropy's. Cortex unwrapped the package to reveal…

"Nothin' loike a good bit 'o radish cake, mate!"

Cortex gave another almighty yelp, and thrust it onto the table with the fruitcake.

"Aw, mate, don't get so excited. I'm not much of a cook."

"Ah, I'm sure it will be fine, Dingodile. Do sit down, N. Tropy's watching the Nutcracker Ballet. We found it on channel eleven hundred twelve. I am sure you'll enjoy it."

Dingodile sat down in a Lazy Boy next to Tropy, and was soon caught up in the ballet. Cortex heaved a sigh of relief, but rushed to the door, seeing Tiny arriving.

"Tiny! How wonderful!"

"Tiny bring broken glass casserole! Tiny good chef!"

Cortex's eyes bulged as he ran with the casserole as if the plague was behind him. He whimpered, shoving it onto the table with the rest. Tiny didn't have boots. He tramped through the house, leaving a trail of snow behind him. 

Tiny stopped in the living room, shook all the snow off his fur and onto Tropy and Dingodile, and sat down on the couch. Tropy and Dingodile gave no notice, as they were too caught up in the ballet still. A creak was heard, and then a snap and a bang as the couch snapped.

"Tiny make good recliner. Just right size. Tiny say good!"

Cortex whimpered as he saw his $1500 couch snapped in two, a huge tiger stretched out on it contentedly.

The doorbell rang again. It was Brio and Koala Kong. They took off their boots and followed the trail of snow to the living room, setting packages on the table as they went. Cortex examined them. They were Acid Punch and Rabid Squirrel Pie. Sighing, he went to the kitchen to fetch his apron. It was turkey time.

He took the bird out of the oven, and a wonderful smell rolled out into the kitchen, then the living room. Growls and moans were heard, but quickly settled down as the Nutcracker Prince came out.

Cortex set the table, and arranged the dishes around the table. He laughed evilly again, rubbing his hands together at the sight of his turkey.

"Everyone! Dinner is served!" No one budged.

"Dinner is SERVED! I said…_dinner is SERVED!"_

Everyone snapped out of the trance and rushed to the table, licking their chops. They sat down around the table, and waited for Cortex.

"Hey," Tropy said, "Why is there an extra place? Who is not here yet?"

Cortex frowned, deep in thought. Meanwhile, a banging noise was heard from the chimney. Soot began raining down on the fire log, and you could hear something like a crazed laugh. Cortex's stomach twisted in horror.

"Oh, _no!_ I forgot!"

"Forgot what?" Brio looked nervously at the chimney.

At that moment, a blue blur tore out of the fireplace, and began bouncing around the room, laughing insanely. 

Brio's eyes widened, and Cortex moaned and slid under the table as everyone made the connection.

"RIPPER ROO!" Dingodile screamed.

Ripper Roo stopped bouncing, and they could see he was wearing a Santa suit and beard. His tongue lolled out of his mouth, as he panted, and his eyes swirled around and around.

Cortex, huffing and puffing, hoisted himself up into his chair. When he saw Roo's suit and beard, he moaned again and slid under the table once more. Roo shook his head at Dingodile, who screamed in terror.

"No," Tropy said shakily, "He wants to tell you something."

Roo shook his head again at Dingodile, eyes bulging. He laughed insanely again, and pointed to his beard.

"I get it, mate. You're not Roo, you're Sandicoot*. I know."

(*Sandicoot is the Australian Santa Claus)

Roo's insane grin widened, and he nodded. Cortex's whimper could be heard around Tropy's feet somewhere.

Tiny suddenly got up, asked to be excused, and ran to the bathroom. Cortex finally made it back up to his chair. Ripper Roo sat down, and started piling broken glass casserole on his plate.

There was a strange noise and a terrified roar coming from the bathroom. Cortex moaned and landed his face in the Acid Punch. He shrieked and jumped back, his face burned black. Brio shook his head at Cortex.

"Not to play with Cortex, just drink."

Cortex was about to jump on Brio when he sniffed at the smell of something burning. His eyes widened. N. Tropy's clocks were billowing out black smoke endlessly. Cortex couldn't even see Roo in his Sandicoot suit. Everyone was choking on the smoke, and the color changed from black to green. Cortex ran to get the fire extinguisher, but stopped as his ankles felt wet.

He reached down, and felt water, rapidly rising. Everyone was screaming, and Dingodile, Brio, and Tropy were standing on the table, shrieking at the top of their lungs.

Tiny screamed, "WATER COMING OUT AND TINY LOCKED IN! HELP POOR TINY!"

Ripper Roo laughed insanely again, and broke down the door. As the smoke cleared, Cortex could see what was happening. A huge wall of water gushed out of the bathroom door like a tsunami. Roo laughed again, surfing. Tiny was bashed against the wall, and the people on the table screamed as it broke. Cortex was going mad.

"TURN OFF THE WATER YOU GREAT LUMMOX! TURN IT OFF I SAY!"

But the water level was rising too rapidly for anyone to reach the bathroom, let alone the toilet…

To be continued…


	2. Continued

"CALL THE PLUMBER!!!!" Cortex bellowed at N. Tropy.  
  
"Yes, sir!" And with that he picked up the phone, and dialed the operator, "OPERATOR! GET ME A PLUMBER! ANY PLUMBER! Yes, thank you. Plumber? Get over here, we got an emergency! Why do you sound familiar? Oh well, HURRY!"  
  
Tropy slammed down the phone, and the water rose higher still...  
  
  
  
"What did Tropy want, Crash?" Coco yawned, gazing at her computer.  
  
"He wants us to fix the toilet!"  
  
"WHAT?!"   
  
"Yeah, go figure."  
  
"Let's go." Coco sighed.  
  
"Wait..." Crash thought, "I've got an idea!"  
  
  
  
As the water was coming over the tabletop, suddenly there was an explosion, and water spouted out like a geyser.  
  
"What the HECK are those plumbers DOING?" Cortex screamed.  
  
"I dunno, but they just blew the main pipe!" Someone called.  
  
"WOAH! LOOK OUT!"  
  
As a huge tsunami of water came spewing out, two figures on surfboards were distinguishable. One shouted, "Heehee ha HA!"  
  
Cortex gasped- he knew who they were- Crash and Coco!  
  
"NO!!!! NOT THEM!"  
  
"Yeah, come to break up your little party, Neo!" Coco grinned.  
  
Just then, the table broke, and the water rose rapidly to the ceiling. Just when everyone but Crash and Coco started to panic, Cortex saw them go up the chimeney.  
  
"FOLLOW THEM! THE CHIMENEY! We may still live yet!"  
  
"Right, Neo!"  
  
Everyone paddled over to the chimeney, and one by one they heaved themselves out onto the roof.   
  
Meanwhile, Tawna was going by, when she saw something like water churning in the house. Wondering what was going on, she looked up and saw everyone, including Crash and Coco, up on the roof.  
  
"What the..."  
  
"HI TAWNA!" Crash yelled.  
  
"YEAH, BYE TAWNA!" Coco yelled.  
  
"What are you doing, telling me what to do, you snot-nosed girl?!" Tawna yelled to Coco.  
  
"DON'T INSULT COCO YOU FIEND!" Crash pointed his Wumpa Fruit Bazooka at her, and she backed down, then turned and ran, screaming.  
  
Cortex groaned, wringing out his hair. His friends looked ready to smush him into the sidewalk.  
  
"Now, I didn't mean for them to come, really. Tropy called, not me!"  
  
Meanwhile, Coco had locked all the windows, and made sure that no water could leak out of the house. The pressure inside was building up...  
  
"C'mon, Crash, hurry!"  
  
They jumped off the roof onto the tiger and polar bear, and broke into a gallop.  
  
They just barely made it- the house exploded as soon as their feet left the roof.  
  
The only thing left was a smoking outline of a house and a big geyser. Today, it is an important Australian landmark, where people from all over the world can get together, and really be aware of how dangerous toilets can be.  
  
THE END!!!!!! 


End file.
